A Sittin' Spot

I like to think I’m pretty much the same girl I was at age 13 and things like this morning tend to prove that to me. As I escaped the heat of the house at about 11:00 this morning my screen door slammed shut behind me only to be reopened by my ever-growing lab puppy, Sunshine. How wonderful I thought. How many times in my childhood did I pray for a dog that would follow me around with love and devotion? So with these thoughts in mind I started down the gravel neighborhood road on my “prayer walk”. Now for all you prayer walkers out there let me redefine the word. My prayer walk this morning was more of the “selfish” variety. Because of my ADD/OCD personality I often find it hard to pray while sitting still. I will either fall asleep (which doesn’t fit into ADD or OCD but more like lazy) or think about one million other things to do in that moment. I also can’t sit in a room and pray if things are untidy because I will have to get up and fix them. So the point is, I left the house to walk and pray and my beautiful lab puppy followed me all the way.

Now you are asking, “what does this have to do with your childhood?” Well as I was walking I found a spot to stop and sit. Now I didn’t find it as in “discovered” it because I’ve seen it before and even sat there before. I think I may be the only person in the world that would find this little spot exciting, but as I sat on the broken gray concrete under the Mango tree I was taken back to my adolescent years. In my neighborhood in Brookhaven there was an old rusty metal box (the kind that covers wiring for the neighborhood) with a lock on it and it sat under a Gumball tree. Now why those spiny things are called gumballs I have never quite figured out. I asked my Daddy once and I suppose that his hour-long lecture was too much for me to remember. He tends to answer the simplest questions with nice, long drawn-out stories. (At least ya’ll know where I get the long-windedness from)

So back to the Mango tree and cinder block… it took me back home. I realized that I have been searching out shady spots and walking to think for many years. My adolescent years where filled with lots of thinking and confusing thoughts and now that my memory has been jogged I remember that I battled out lots of questions under that Gumball tree. I was that neighborhood girl that sat alone and looked lost in her own little world. I suppose really I was always imagining this world—the one I am currently living in. I know that I spent many of those hours praying for a dog that would be loyal to me…or that my Daddy would allow me to own ANY dog. I did have to leave his house and that lazy neighborhood in order to see all those summer daydreams realized. And as I sat there under the Mango tree I came to understand a couple things: 1) Mangos can be much more dangerous than gumballs when falling from the tree even though they don’t have spines. 2) I will always be that girl that has to battle out her thoughts, dreams and realities. That is just who I am. I’m a thinker. I want to save the world and yet I struggle daily with laziness and business (how’s that for a contradiction). 3) I think I’m as much of an absentee parent as ever there was… poor Sunny has only seen me for 6 days and I’m leaving her again on Monday. I don’t deserve the love and devotion that she is so ready to give, but you know what friends we don’t deserve Grace and Mercy either. I have done nothing to earn the love that is daily given to me by my Heavenly Father and yet he gives it—new every morning. And the harder I try to earn that I love the less I am able to enjoy it.

So, today, if only for an hour before the mosquitoes drove me back indoors I was able to thank God for my past, present, and the future that I know He has waiting for me, without feeling like I needed to “straighten-up” something in my life to come before Him.

I love God so much! I need Him so desperately. I cannot do this work, live this life, or make decisions without Him! Praise Him for the fact that He has reached down from Heaven and made a way for us to know Him. We are welcomed into His throne room only by the saving blood of Jesus Christ. Have you reflected on that today? Thanks to a shady “sittin’ spot” I was able to do just that.

I love ya’ll!!